Learn the Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms get a bad reputation sometimes, but did you know that they’re not always a bad thing? It’s natural and necessary to use coping skills to deal with life’s events. The key is to engage healthy coping skills as tools that move you forward instead of backward. As you take notice of the various actions and activities that you might use when coping, there are a few questions you should ask yourself in order to better understand if you’re choosing healthy options or if you have some work to do.

What are coping mechanisms?

Before we talk about how to discern your coping skills, it’s important to know what a coping mechanism is! A coping mechanism is a tactic or strategy that we use to deal with challenges, stress, traumatic events, and anxiety. So, what are coping skills, you ask? Sometimes the strategies we use are active choices, but we also tend to have unconscious coping reactions that are worth examining as well. While coping mechanisms are meant to alleviate the discomfort of whatever event has caused the need for them, we don’t always choose options that are best for our future selves. The good news is that with some effort, and a little help sometimes, we can actively move away from harmful coping mechanisms and begin using healthier coping strategies that help us grow over time.

Is the coping mechanism helping to address a concern or avoid it?

One question to consider when engaging in a coping mechanism is whether or not it’s helping you address the stressor from which you are coping. While sometimes we all need a short-term distraction from things we can’t control, if you’re experiencing a challenge that you can address, that is the healthier option. A good coping skill will help you to face a concern and move through it or past it instead of avoiding it entirely.

An example of this might be a breakup from an unhealthy relationship. It might feel good to immediately start dating and receiving attention. It’s easier to fill your time with the excitement of getting to know another person. However, without taking time to sit in the discomfort of being alone, you might miss the chance to learn about unhealthy dynamics that caused the relationship to fail. Avoiding this could cause those dynamics to enter your next relationship as well, where talking to a friend or therapist about your breakup might help reveal some areas of growth that you can focus on before your next relationship. The healthy coping skill would be to do self-reflection rather than immediately moving on without taking time to heal.

What are the long-term and short-term effects of the coping mechanism?

Although some coping mechanisms feel great in the moment, they have effects that can extend far beyond. It’s worth asking yourself what the results of engaging in a coping strategy will be. Using the breakup as an example, the short-term effect of moving on quickly might be fun dates, a honeymoon stage, and distraction from your breakup. However, in the long term, those choices might be preventing you from the healing that needs to take place so you can learn how to participate in a healthy relationship with someone else.

How does the coping mechanism affect your relationships?

Despite our societal messaging that we should all be self-sufficient and independent, we need people in our lives. Interdependency is healthy, and with that in mind, it’s important to realize that our actions and choices affect the people around us. When considering our choices for coping, if we’re struggling to care about how it’s affecting us as individuals, it may be worth considering the effects our coping mechanisms are having on our relationships. Continuing with our example, how much energy are you asking your best friend to expend when you call her crying after each new relationship blows up, because you moved on quickly without addressing the underlying concerns? How much more room for connection would there be if you found yourself healed and in a happy, healthy relationship? Your friendship might grow and evolve in different ways as well! For better insight into the importance of community for our overall wellness, check out our blog on community and mental health: The Benefits of Community on Mental Health.

Will you grow or revert as a result of using the coping mechanism?

It’s important to remember that as we grow and change, we may outgrow certain “healthy coping skills” that no longer serve us. Sometimes a skill is healthy in comparison to a more harmful alternative, and as you improve as an individual, your standards become higher and your choices become better. As you review your coping mechanisms, it’s important to do it from a place of compassion and remember that each version of you was likely trying the best they could with the resources and information that were available to them. Being curious about your coping skills and having a willingness to grow is an incredible sign of improvement that you should be proud of. If you’d like additional support working on new and improved healthy coping skills, we’d be happy to offer support through counseling at Genesis Counseling of South Tampa. Book now to get started.