The Mental Health Benefits of Romancing Yourself
Whether it’s the month of love or any other time of year, it seems like people are talking about romantic/non-platonic relationships wherever you turn. Sometimes they’re arguing about what to expect in a relationship, other times they’re telling you how to find or stay in a relationship. While it’s very normal and healthy to desire a romantic connection with another person, we don’t talk enough about the benefits of romancing yourself on a day-to-day basis regardless of your relationship status. This is also sometimes referred to as self-care, but sometimes self-care isn’t romantic and it’s important to remember that the simple, quiet aspects of caring for yourself are often the most important and foundational. Think of romancing yourself as an “add-on” to self-care benefits! Let’s dive a little deeper.
What is “romancing yourself?”
Romancing yourself is very similar to the way you might romance a significant other, or other important people in your life. Romance, while often automatically applied to non-platonic relationships, doesn’t only apply there. In fact, one dictionary definition states that romance is simply, “a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life.” In short, romance is simply the gestures that add a little sparkle to your day. Some examples include:
- Taking the long way home because the drive is prettier
- Arranging your food beautifully on the plate as a nice restaurant would
- Sitting in the sun for a few minutes longer because it makes you happy
- Waking up early to do something good for yourself, like journaling or going to the gym
Think about it, if you were to put this in the context of doing these things for someone you love, it might feel like a no-brainer, right? Making a beautiful plate of food for your partner, waking up early to do something they like doing, or sitting in the sun with them on a rough day to help them feel better are all examples of “the little things” we often talk about. The idea of romancing yourself asks the question, “Why not treat yourself that well also?”
What are the self-care benefits of romancing yourself?
The benefits of making the commitment to romance yourself are quiet at first, but over time, they can really help shape and shift your perception of the love and care that you deserve. Once you make a habit of going the extra mile for yourself, you may start to develop an increased sense of compassion and care for yourself as well as the ability to be kinder and more intentional with those around you. Learning to take time to listen to your desires and meet your own needs may also lead you to healthier coping skills as a result of a healthier connection with yourself. It can also help you identify the need to place healthier boundaries and expectations when you are in the dating process or even when you’re vetting the close relationships you surround yourself with. Once you learn that you can meet many of your own needs, it becomes less necessary to seek those solutions outside of yourself in places or people that don’t serve your best interests. This can be especially helpful to those looking to reconnect with themselves after the end of a relationship like a marriage or long-term relationship. Taking some time to relearn what you desire, and how to make yourself happy before dating after divorce can set you up for success whenever that time does come. If you’re looking for more support specifically around the process of dating after divorce, check out one of our past blogs, 5 Tips for Dating After Divorce.
How can I learn to romance myself?
Since everyone’s needs are different, this answer can look different for everyone. We suggest starting by committing to asking yourself every day, “What do I need right now?” You can also ask, “What’s one simple thing that could make me happy at the moment?” It’s common for us to remain so busy in our daily lives that we don’t check in with ourselves often enough. Asking these questions will give you more insight into ways that you can start to go the extra mile for yourself. Instead of forcing yourself to do a workout you hate, perhaps spend some time trying new forms of movement that you actually enjoy. If you like playing tennis but hate lifting weights, play tennis! If you prefer a walk in the sun instead of on the treadmill, by all means! If having your nails done makes you feel more confident and pulled together, book that nail appointment or find an at-home nail routine that you love and make a whole moment of it! Fix yourself a yummy beverage, throw on a show or a podcast, and give your nails that TLC that will pay dividends for the rest of the week since you’ll feel more confident.
The process of romance is not the same for everyone, but we all deserve more of it from ourselves. Think of all the ways you go the extra mile and remember the little things for the people that you love and make the commitment to doing it for yourself for the next 30 days. You’ll be surprised at the results and the beautiful little moments you’ll carve out for yourself. If you’re looking for a little more support during the process of learning to love and prioritize yourself, we at Genesis Counseling of South Tampa would be happy to help. Please feel free to reach out to us or book an appointment.
