The Beauty of Alternative Relationship Types

Think back over your life for a moment. Is there a time that you can remember where you were explicitly told what a romantic relationship should look like as an adult? If the answer is no, perhaps you recall gathering information and context from the world around you. If you grew up in the US thinking that lifelong romantic relationships included just two monogamous individuals till death do us part, you’re not alone. However, many people struggle to fit into what society has made to seem like a “one size fits all” relationship type. 

These days, with the continued rise of social media sharing, people have begun to share more candidly about alternative relationship styles that work for them, bring them happiness, and challenge the way we think about love and relationships. At Genesis Counseling of South Tampa, we provide counseling for non-traditional couples and are pleased to help bring awareness to so many different types of love and commitment. 

What is an alternative relationship?

For the purpose of this writing, an alternative relationship is anything that lives outside the societal “norm” of a monogamous relationship between two people who live together, and plan to do life together “forever”.

What types of alternative relationships exist?

There are really endless possibilities when it comes to alternative relationships, as the parameters are fully up to the people engaging in the relationship. However, today we’ll focus on four main categories and their subcategories:

• Ethical Non-Monogamy
  • Polyamory
  • Open Relationships
  • Swinging
• Relationship Anarchy
• Platonic Life Partners
• Monogamy with Non-Traditional Life Setup

While some people know early in life that an alternative relationship style is best suited for them, many other people arrive at this conclusion after repeated attempts to find happiness and fulfillment in a monogamous relationship. Whatever the path, it’s a beautiful thing when people can find love that meets them where they are, in the way that they desire to give and receive love. Let’s dive further into the different types of alternative relationships there are.

Ethical Non-Monogamy

Ethical Non-Monogamy is often what you think of, whether you realize it or not, when you think of an alternative relationship style. There are a variety of different subtypes encompassing ENM as a whole, but the overarching thing to note is that ENM is a conscious decision made by all parties who have chosen to make room for more love in their lives, not less. 

Polyamory

In cases like Polyamory, a person may have multiple partners. Each relationship is different, and people may choose to date separately or together. Sometimes in Polyamory, there is a primary partner with whom one builds a life together. They may purchase a home, spend most of their time together, have children, and do many other things that monogamous couples do. There are many reasons for this, but each relationship is different. In other cases, multiple partners may live together inside the home, operating as an expanded family unit. 

Open Relationships

In an open relationship, a couple might publicly operate or appear to be “monogamous,” but they’ve consented to having sexual relationships outside of the marriage. This could be due to a number of reasons, like differences in sex drive, long periods of separation due to life circumstances, or a way to provide a higher level of autonomy in the relationship. Generally, in open relationships, the secondary partners do not become involved in the same level of day-to-day life as the primary partner, and relationships are often focused more on sexual encounters than on building long-lasting, intimate relationships. 

Swinging

Swinging tends to involve additional partners for all parties involved in the relationship. A husband and wife might trade partners with another husband and wife, but it’s typically done together, at the same time and place. This allows partners to explore new connections while also creating memories and experiences with their partner at the same time. Swinging may lead to longer-term relationships with repeated play partners, or it may remain purely physical. 

Relationship Anarchy

Relationship Anarchy can exist within a variety of relationship types, but it’s worth mentioning because it challenges the idea that a romantic partner should be placed higher on the list of one’s priorities than other close relationships, like family and friends. Relationship anarchy doesn’t adhere to “traditional” roles and instead requires communication and intention to learn how to show up in each relationship in a way that is authentic and fulfilling for everyone.

Platonic Life Partners

Sometimes making the decision to enter into a partnered relationship with someone has less to do with romance or sexuality and more to do with love, care, and life circumstances. Platonic life partners may be best friends or other highly compatible individuals who choose to build a life together. They may go as far as purchasing a home together, getting married, combining finances, or sharing investments. However, when it comes to romance and sex, they each seek those things outside of their life partner. 

Monogamy with Non-Traditional Life Setup

This relationship type includes a physically monogamous couple who may choose to do something like live in separate homes even though they’re married or highly committed. Other couples who might live together may choose to never be married, never combine finances, or raise children as co-parents rather than legal spouses. 

Should I consider an alternative relationship style?

Before deciding whether or not to pursue an alternative relationship style, it’s important to ask yourself why you feel pulled to do so. A common misconception about alternative relationships is that they’re “easier” or that there are “fewer rules,” when that couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality is that all relationships are hard work and come with unique challenges. In fact, it often requires above-average accountability, self-awareness, and communication skills to be successful in alternative relationships. When you’re dealing with multiple partners, there’s really no exception. It is important to deeply understand your motives when entering into any relationship, and individual or couples counseling can help you understand yourself and your needs more truthfully. While there are no “right” or “wrong” styles of relationships between consenting adults, there are certainly relationships that are better suited to our personal strengths, needs, and desires.

Exploring that with a professional can be very helpful since so many of us are socialized to think that only one type of monogamous relationship is the “blueprint” for romantic fulfillment. If you’re sticking to a specific relationship style that isn’t true to you because you’re worried about what others may think, that can do significant damage to you and your partner in the long run. Read our recent article, The Link Between People Pleasing and Anxiety to better understand the effects of making choices based on the comfort and happiness of others.

The self-assessment process is essential when considering entering a nontraditional relationship. If you find yourself sacrificing your emotional needs or changing core aspects of yourself to meet someone else’s expectations, this may not be the right choice for you. Your feelings matter, so take the time to sit with yourself and reflect honestly. It is perfectly acceptable to determine that a monogamous relationship is a better fit for you. Entering a nontraditional relationship for the wrong reasons can be damaging to your sense of self.

If you’re in an alternative relationship seeking support or are considering whether or not a new relationship style might be right for you and/or your partner, alternative relationship counseling in Tampa is available at Genesis Counseling of South Tampa. We look forward to supporting you!